No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
