last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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