meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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