Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
