I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
