No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where is the hickey?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
