I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
