those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
