You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
