awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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