Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
