You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
