All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
