I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
