sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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