My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
