i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize