eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
