In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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