I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My pussy is not your playground.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
