He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
