Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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