i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
