I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
