he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
