so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
