Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize