so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
