do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
