Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
