I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize