The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
