I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize