Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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