I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
