A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
