Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
