Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
