we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
