I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize