Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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