What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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