You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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