She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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