I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
