Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
