your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
