You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
