by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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