So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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