mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
