If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
