how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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