using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
