Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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