Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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