If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
