Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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