in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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