Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
