Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
