That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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