My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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