I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
