11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
