You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize