Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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